When a woman shares her story of violence, she takes the first step to breaking the cycle of abuse.

Aththachchi Nuwan Pradeep Roshan Fernando

9 min readDec 6, 2020

Write down your shared vision and prioritize: Don’t sweat the small stuff and keep the focus on spending time together alone and with your kids. For instance, in our house we have pizza on Tuesday nights and eat at a restaurant twice a month. This gives us six nights a month to spend more time together when we aren’t so focused on cooking and cleaning up.This year, a lot of my family traditions and habits are off the menu, but I’m keeping the ones that really mean something to me: Pausing for a moment to rest, to be with people I love (in person or on Zoom), and to feel thankful.This week, I want to try something a little different. Post-Turkey Day festivities (shout out to the reclaim the land movement of Indigenous people), let’s use some Hov bars to talk about gratitude. We can find ways to be thankful despite the madness that surrounds us.

We choose to adapt and decide that we can be grateful for what we have, rather than feeling frustrated with what we lack. It may be hard at times, but the practice of gratitude creates space in our hearts to lean into the good and what matters most: the present. Let’s build a cathedral of love evil can’t fuck with. We hear you loudly and clearly, Shawn Corey.
But I woke up to my two daughters and my partner, alive and healthy. I woke up with functioning hands, arms, legs, and toes. I woke up with sight, hearing, the ability to smell, taste, touch, and think on my own.
The pandemic of violence against women is not new. Even before COVID-19 hit us, globally, 243 million women and girls were abused by their intimate partners in the past year. The COVID-19 pandemic intensified the violence, even as support services faltered and accessing help became harder.

This year, a lot of my family traditions and habits are off the menu, but I’m keeping the ones that really mean something to me: Pausing for a moment to rest, to be with people I love (in person or on Zoom), and to feel thankful.Hug it out and find ways to show physical affection. It has been proven that hugging your partner for even thirty seconds a day actually increases your intimacy and passion. According to author Dr. Kory Floyd, physical contact releases feel good hormones. Holding hands, hugging, touching, and making out can release oxytocin (the bonding hormone) that reduces pain and causes a calming sensation. Studies show that it’s released during sexual orgasm as well. Physical affection also reduces stress hormones — lowering daily levels of the stress hormone cortisol.If you’re just discovering, I’m Joel Leon. I write stuff. Every week, I tackle a user-submitted issue and dish out some heartfelt advice with the help of Jay-Z lyrics. It really is a win-win for errybody.

Some of us may have celebrated the holiday alone and may look toward a future where pending holidays will be more of the same. The year has pulled and twisted our hearts around, and we have all struggled with finding ways to show up for ourselves and others.

Never underestimate the power of having a great time with your partner. Doing silly things like singing in the shower together or body surfing at the beach can bring joy and laughter. Telling jokes, watching funny movies, or anything else that brings you both pleasure can ignite passion and keep you connected.

Find time for physical exercise and excitement each day. Try to power walk around the neighborhood or on a hiking trail or bike path. Add a little novelty and excitement by trying kayaking in the summer or cross country skiing in the winter months. Studies show that sharing an exciting experience can bring couples closer together.

Adopt a time weekly time to discuss a positive vision for your relationship: This will help you feel connected and develop a clear picture of where you are heading. Discuss your values and thoughts about a range of topics such as mundane matters (purchases) as well as heavier topics such as in-law issues and raising your children and/or stepchildren. Start with setting three goals that are meaningful to you. Keep in mind that it can take up to a month to see any change.

I talked about this somewhat in a recent LEVEL piece about finding joy following Biden’s presidential win. Our gratitude does not have to feel manufactured. We get to be thankful and hold space for grief; we get to be grateful while still in recovery, whether from substance abuse, job loss, or abusive relationships. A gratitude journal is a great way to consider the things you can be thankful for in the present moment. For example, “I woke up today.” Now, there’s a level of privilege attached to this statement, recognizing that some are waking up to conditions where they find no relief or solace.

We take things for granted, and that is no fault of ours — the world is a busy, frantic place. Just because we are from this world does not mean we have to be of it entirely.

Gratitude isn’t about ignoring the bad that is happening. Instead, it leans into acceptance while also acknowledging and holding space for the good, no matter how small or insignificant it may feel in the larger scheme of things.

As we mark the annual 16 Days of Activism against Gender-based Violence campaign (25 November — 10 December), UN Women is joining hands with survivors, activists, decision-makers, the UN system, and people from every walk of life, to shine a light on the need for funding, essential services, prevention and data that shapes better-informed responses.But maybe there’s some hope in Jay-Z lyrics from “ManyFacedGod,” the final bonus track off his 4:44 album. Rather than focusing on what lies outside of us, Jay-Z suggests that external circumstances are a chance to look within.

In theory, a designer should start their career as a junior, then a mid-level, then a senior, and then either branch off into management with a path to upper-level leadership or remain a hands-on practitioner at the principal level. A depth of knowledge and capability is expected to align with each level. Except that is usually not the case. In practice, companies hire mostly seniors because they don’t understand what we do and don’t want to have to train anyone. They figure senior means “they’ll know all they need to know to perform in any design function we need; then we don’t have to supervise them or hire more than we can afford.” And at some companies, anyone can be hired in at a senior level regardless of experience. Add to this the fact that every company defines their levels based on different criteria using different titles, and you have yourself a cluster that makes seeking design jobs a mind-bending trip into the unknown.

Creating daily or weekly rituals will enable you to spend quality time together. Carve out time to be with your partner so you don’t become “two ships passing in the night.” Focus on spending time doing enjoyable activities that bring you both pleasure. Dr. John Gottman suggests that couples make a commitment to spend a magic five hours a week together. Taking time to process your dreams can bring you closer and strengthen your marriage.We choose to adapt and decide that we can be grateful for what we have, rather than feeling frustrated with what we lack. It may be hard at times, but the practice of gratitude creates space in our hearts to lean into the good and what matters most: the present. Let’s build a cathedral of love evil can’t fuck with. We hear you loudly and clearly, Shawn Corey.Set aside at least 30 minutes each day to sharpen your communication skills. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, author Stephen R. Covey advises us to seek first to understand: then to be understood. Open up the lines of communication with your partner by tuning in to what he or she is saying and validating him or her — even if you don’t agree. This should not be a complaint session but rather an opportunity to discuss things going on between you and to express your thoughts, feelings, and wishes.In 2020, COVID-19 touched our lives in nearly every way, everywhere, as countries went into lockdown and restricted movement to contain the spread of the virus. As doors closed and isolation began, reports of all forms of violence against women and girls, particularly domestic violence, began to rise.

When a woman shares her story of violence, she takes the first step to breaking the cycle of abuse.

Written by Aththachchi Nuwan Pradeep Roshan Fernando